I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
