She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize