i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
