I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize