Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize