eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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