why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
