Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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