i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
