I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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