I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
