"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I AM VODKA MAN
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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