Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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