My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
