Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
