after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
