You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
