He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
