Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
