Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
