Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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