i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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