Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
