just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
