for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
