I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
