i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
