I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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