the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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