My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Screwed.edu
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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