I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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