i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
