I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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