you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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