Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
