Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
