this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
