u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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