I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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