I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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