When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
