My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
