she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
