I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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