I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
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It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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