I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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