Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need moral support for this bender
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
