he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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