Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
