Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
