This is not my ceiling
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
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I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
