Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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