Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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