Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow