so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
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So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.