Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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