I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
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The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.