Texts From Last Night

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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell

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  (856): a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell http://tfl.nu/7uki
  Replies (9) Good night (1236) Bad night (2017) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just threw up on my dentist

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  (603): I just threw up on my dentist http://tfl.nu/4tee
  Replies (20) Good night (813) Bad night (3151) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.

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  (770): Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable. http://tfl.nu/w2xg
  Replies (16) Good night (2550) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.

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  (678): We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet. http://tfl.nu/x1wg
  Replies (29) Good night (7732) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender

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  (315): He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender http://tfl.nu/9vxe
  Replies (23) Good night (1813) Bad night (4471) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.

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  (716): I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting. http://tfl.nu/txta
  Replies (28) Good night (1260) Bad night (3533) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.

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  (517): we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/tadi
  Replies (11) Good night (8641) Bad night (1836) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.

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  (513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real. http://tfl.nu/3nu3
  Replies (32) Good night (2169) Bad night (6288) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.

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  (419): You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you. http://tfl.nu/qq0g
  Replies (15) Good night (2357) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.

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  (813): obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary. http://tfl.nu/eqex
  Replies (0) Good night (532) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.

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  (845): Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent. http://tfl.nu/xb5q
  Replies (5) Good night (2061) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.

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  (406): You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic. http://tfl.nu/4fes
  Replies (2) Good night (774) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"

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  (845): I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl" http://tfl.nu/lnr2
  Replies (5) Good night (1155) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?

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  (828): i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am? http://tfl.nu/68cf
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  (760): View more from California

  So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.

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  (760): So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related. http://tfl.nu/jwal
  Replies (5) Good night (1215) Bad night (140) Order T-Shirt

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