Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself