I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins