At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
