At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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