You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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