nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
