i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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