running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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