he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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