Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
