Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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