My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
