32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
