I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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