he was CRYING into my vagina
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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