none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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