guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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