he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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