I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
