Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
