Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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