It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
