shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
