I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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