Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
