Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
