Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
