Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
