...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
