Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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