perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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