Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
