Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I skipped work to stalk him.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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