John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
