it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
